In the world of Star Wars Quotes, Emperor Palpatine stands at the top in terms of cold-hearted bad-assery. Here are some of his best quips, along with our own retorts.
Enjoy … and, of course, beware.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Fellow Senators, honored delegates. A tragedy has engulfed our system which started right here with the taxation of trade routes.
You know, guys … he has a point. We should follow his lead. Seems like a solid dude.
And you, young Skywalker; we shall watch your career with great interest.
Back off, dude. I’m, like, ten. I haven’t even declared a major yet.
There is no civility, only politics.
I foreshadow American culture. It’s what I do.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
You don’t need guidance, Anakin. In time, you will learn to trust your feelings. Then, you will be invincible. I have said it many times, you are the most gifted Jedi I have ever met.
But what if I just feel like chilling sometimes? Does everything have to be dark forests and slaughtering Younglings?
I see you becoming the greatest of all the Jedi, Anakin. Even more powerful than Master Yoda.
I do have a few inches on him.
And as my first act with this new authority, I will create a grand army of the Republic to counter the increasing threats of the Separatists.
It will be a great deterrent. Just wait and see. Why, I’ll bet we won’t use up any laser juice at all.
Mas Amedda: This is a crisis. The Senate must vote to give the chancellor emergency powers. He can then approve the creation of an army without a vote.
Palpatine: But what senator would have the courage to propose such a radical amendment?
For Brutus is an honorable man.
It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!
And by, “lay down,” I mean that I will work insidiously to grow those powers beyond all measure of your understanding and lay you down under my malevolent and iron rule. It’s going to be fine, though. No worries at all.
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis “the Wise”?
Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth Vader.
That’s sorta ominous, don’t you think? How about something a little less overpowering, like “Darth Troy” or “Darth Doug”? I’m single now, you know — gotta think of my social image.
Or don’t. But for God’s sake stop all your waffling!
It seems in your anger, you killed her.
Or she’s not really dead at all. You know, you might be able to save her still … but you shouldn’t. She’s no good for you, really.
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, my master?
Emperor: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
Darth Vader: I have felt it.
Emperor: We have a new enemy, the young Rebel who destroyed the Death Star. I have no doubt this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker.
Darth Vader: How is that possible?
Emperor: Search your feelings, Lord Vader. You will know it to be true. He could destroy us.
Darth Vader: He’s just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him.
Emperor: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.
Darth Vader: If he could be turned, he will become a powerful ally.
Emperor: Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?
Darth Vader: He will join us or die, my master.
Or, you know … I’ll pick up your scrawny ass and dump you down the galactic garbage chute. Could go either way. Too early to tell, really.
Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Oh no, young Jedi. You will find that it is you who are mistaken – about a great many things.
Especially that idea you have about moving to a remote island and trying to sneak into Solo’s son’s room at night. He’ll catch you, guaranteed. So just forget about it right now.
It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now mine!
I’m gonna make you love me … oh, yes, I will. Yes, I will!
Good. I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon! Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!
Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality.
Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you.
But there is, unseen by most, an Underworld. A place that is just as real but not as brightly lit.
Good! Your hate has made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side!
A dark side. And we do, indeed, have cookies.
Soon the rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us.
Great! The world can always use more mime.
Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your rebel fleet. It was I who allowed the alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops await them. Oh, I’m afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Curse you, Emperor Goldberg!
So be it… Jedi.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed! Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side! You have paid the price for your lack of vision!
Sweet. Since I’m paid in full, can we go ahead and wrap this up? That would be great.
Now, young Skywalker… you will die.
Just yankin’ your chain kid! Wanna grab a burger?
Luke: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
The Emperor: Your faith in your friends is yours!
Burn! But … technically, they aren’t my friends. See, Leia is my sister, and Han is a scoundrel, and …